I'm listening to the cd you gave me that you called Autumn 2014.
This is the first time I've put it in.
It is bittersweet for many reasons - one your intention towards me has nothing to do with ..even a second thought.
This is arguably the best CD you've ever made me.
There are a lot of tears to be had over the words you chose to represent us on this mix.
It's also feels like you were very particular over your song order.
I've been doing a lot of packing up of my life here at the Gardenia place. I've come across a lot of things of us- a lot of yellow legal sheets with your pen on them. A lot of reminders of us. Sticky notes I collected and kept that had the message "I love you - - This is not your real note!!!" …Among other memories of us.
When I look back at our relationship, I know we have had a lot of struggles. We grew up a lot together, grew backwards together, grew forwards together and sometimes simply stayed stuck together.
I've also gone through my music CD collection and have gotten rid of most of them. I kept all of my Ani that I'll forever associate with us. Remember bonding over Lisa Loeb when we first met?
The second song on your cd, "Kiss me" with the words "settle down with me" and "this feels like falling in love" are exactly the words I wish we would have had. The only good thing that ever came from falling apart so many times has been the moments we had the privilege of falling back together. The puzzle pieces that just fell into place. Somehow we lost some of those pieces and there's all these holes. Maybe some day we'll fill in new pieces and create a whole new world. Maybe that's what this is. Maybe this is our new world now. Being passing ships, strangers to each other's lives, moving into other lives that don't even involve checking in anymore.
I bought this silly wooden statue in Hamtramck at the Polish Art Museum. It's not a cat…but it made me think of you. It's really hard for me to see things and not want to buy them for you - but I know that that's not really an okay thing.
There's so much music that will always be you to me. Any snow patrol, any Ani, any taking back sunday, Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zero's…..
I'm contemplating getting rid of my WII and games. I haven't touched it in a long time. To be honest I have these things because it was one of my favorite things to do with you. Gaming with you, was always fun. Gaming alone - not so much.
I actually like the Copeland cover at the end of the mix of take my breath away.
And your ending…complete with a bonus secret track. Sigh.
You're best work. Seriously.